PurplePatch

아이유 (IU)

2012-01-09T16:42:00.004+08:00

"I'm scared that my heart would be revealed through the gaps of my fingers.

My heart is overwhelmed, it's sad.

Please wait a little bit more and wait for me.

You and I, we can't be together yet.

I want to push the clock even more but

In the future in which you are present

Please call out my name..."

♥♥♥

of birthdays and blessings

2012-01-09T16:28:00.000+08:00

As of 1/9/2012 13:21:43 PM
http://www.paulsadowski.com/BirthData.asp

I am 23 years old.
I am 276 months old.
I am 1,200 weeks old.
I am 8,400 days old.
I am 201,600 hours old.
I am 12,096,005 minutes old.
I am 725,760,343 seconds old.

*To be completely honest, I don't like celebrating my birthday. I'm not an old grump though but there is really nothing to look forward to during my birthday except that I got older. So just like the boy who lived in #4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey... I would say that I could relate to him. There are still some though who remember, and they make it special for me. Those are the people who I consider really close and doesn't need any reminders from Facebook just to greet me. =^_^=

** But even if it's like that, I ALWAYS feel thankful because of the blessings that God has given me. Here's what I always do during my birthday:

- Thank God for allowing me to continue further.

- I would think of all the people that I met the previous year (starting January 9) and ask God to bless them. The reason for this is because I consider them gifts from Him even if they had been good or bad to me.

- I would thank God in advance for the new ones that He will allow to cross my path and hope that all of them would be good to me. Hahaha! This is what I am most excited about and the reason why I want to speed up the time. :)

- The last is the here and now. The ones who stayed. The people who make my small world a better a place to live in. They are the usual ones I love to be with but sometimes schedule and distance keep us apart. Praying for them is something I do everyday. :)

Game over

2012-01-06T15:56:00.003+08:00

This will become history next week.

No more free trial classes for me because it's the end of level-up tests and that means more work and classes. Let's see if my energy could handle this. I'm expecting to have 10 (or less) new students next week. I can't understand myself. I feel so excited to meet my new students but also a bit sad since it means less time to do my ~~homework.~~ which is bad because my professors are killing me with all the deadlines. It's actually fair though, so I don't feel bad about it. I just have to try harder. I can do this!

* It's my birthday next week by the way. I would consider my new students as presents. 나에게 생일 축하 해요! =)

Forever

2011-12-13T16:31:00.000+08:00

I'll Worship at Your Throne
Whisper my own love song

With all my heart I'll sing

For You my Dad and King

I'll live for all my days

To Put a smile on Your face

And when we finally meet

It'll be for eternity

And Oh how wide You open up Your arms

When I need Your love

And how far You would come

If ever I was lost

And You said that all You feel for me

Is undying love

That You showed me through the cross

I'll worship You my God

I love You

Forever I will sing

Forever I will be with You

Be with You

"Forever" by Hillsong

I ♥ this song

Are you happy?

2011-12-12T14:59:00.000+08:00

I came across this pic while looking for "happy Monday" pictures for my students. This one's easy for me to answer. The answer is Y-E-S. Even if I have problems, there are still so many things to be happy about and to be thankful for. Life is to short to wake up in the morning with worries, regrets and pain. Although we can never run away from those, we can always choose not to dwell on them and just try to get over it. There's nothing wrong with being happy as long as you know that it's right. And there is nothing wrong with change as long as it'll make you a better person.

How about you? Are you happy? I hope you are, too... :-)

Stay blessed. Happy Monday! ^_^

sixty-five truths

2011-12-05T13:59:00.002+08:00

65 Truths

1. real name: Juddith Anne R. Pizaña

2. like it: Yes. :)
3. single or taken: Single

4. zodiac sign: capricorn

5. male or female: female

6. elementary: FMCH
7. high school: CIC
8. college: WUP and PNU

9. eye color: dark brown

10. hair color: dark brown as of now, next week it will become a different shade of brown. :))

11. are you a health freak: I am.

12. height: 5'1 and a half. Haha!

13. do you have a crush on someone: yes

14. do you like yourself: yes

15. piercings: yep!

16. tattoos: nada
17. righty or lefty: it depends, i use both. :)

FIRSTS

18. first surgery: I never had.

19. first piercings: ears

20. first best friend: My mom. :)

21. first sport: Track and Field!!!

22. first pet: a Maltese :)

23. first vacation: Baguio

24. first crush: Yves something

CURRENTLY

25. eating: nothing

26. drinking: coffee

27. about to: do my report

28. listening to: At the Cross - Hillsong

29. waiting for: the clock to strike 2 P.M.
30. wearing: loose shirt

31. want to get married: of course!

32. careers in mind: teacher and nurse
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

33. lips or eyes - eyes

34. hugs or kisses - hugs

35. shorter or taller - taller

36. tan skinned or light skin - doesn't matter
37. romantic or spontaneous - I like both

38. dark or light hair - dark

39. muscular or normal - huh? normal...

40. hook-up or relationship - RELATIONSHIP

41. similar to you or different - not so sure about this, different?

HAVE YOU EVER

42. kissed a stranger - no and would never.

43. broken a bone - nope

44. climbed up a tree - haha! yeah.
45. broken someones heart - Yes and I'm sorry.

46. turned someone down - Yes and I'm sorry.

47. liked a friend as more than a friend – Yes and I'm sorry.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

48. yourself - most of the time :)

49. Santa Claus - when I was a kid, haha!

50. kiss on the first date - NO
51. angels - yes

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY

52. Is there one or more people you want to be with right now? - Yes, there is.

53. Do you hang out with these people? - well no...

54. Are you cool? - No, I'm hot. Haha! Kidding. Yeah i'm cool.

LASTS

55. Text message - Hanna Villarey

56. Received call - Hanna Villarey still :D

57. Call made to - Our driver, haha.

58. Comment on facebook - can't remember...

59. Missed Call - Apol Perez

60. Person you hung out with - Abbey and Mae, my sisters in Christ.

61. You hugged - Abbey :)

63. You talked to - Mau Tipon

64. You slapped - the butt of Angela Colasito, har har!

65. Said I love you to - God while praying. :)

Second Wind

2011-11-04T22:49:00.001+08:00

I joined the camp held by our church last week.It was really refreshing. Ater fiive years without camp, here I am now feeling like I am about to burst because of joy and gratefulness. It's like being renewed after the long drought.

So many things happened during those five years. Good things and bad. The depressing things that had happened crushed me to bits and all these years I've been trying to put back all those pieces together in my own crooked way. For 3 years, I felt like I was just living in the surface. I wandered and felt like I was just going around in circles. I wandered for so long that I almost forgot how near to euphoria being with Christ is. The shallowness of my faith can't even be compared to a puddle of water.

Fast forward to present...

SECOND WIND /noun/
1. renewed energy or strength to continue an undertaking
2. the return of relatively easy breathing after initial exhaustion during continuous exertion

The sound of the waves. The breeze coming from the sea. The bonfire. Worship and devotion at the beach. The voice of your Creator saying that you should stop wandering and start wondering. So now, I'm leaving all my worries behind, to trust God more in everything and pray that tomorrow will be a better day.

This is my second wind...

YES!

2011-10-27T11:05:00.000+08:00

I will go to school tomorrow morning to enroll.
YES! I passed the entrance exam!

Cri! I'm so happy! Hahaha. ^_^

Thank you Lord for giving me this opportunity.
There's a great change coming this November.

Just chill.

Alone in the big city

2011-10-03T15:02:00.001+08:00

I woke up this morning with a neck ache. I am 100% sure it's because of the entrance exam yesterday. I spent the entire 2 hours looking down on my test paper so now my neck muscles are killing me. The exam room was plain hell. IT WAS SO ~~freaking~~ HOT I almost died of suffocation. I just want to forget it right now. I was so distracted of the heat yesterday I wasn't able to focus. I'm not sure if I could pass it. Cri! Add up the Chinese student beside me who kept on asking about the Filipino part. I am doomed. Cri!

It was raining hard when I left the school so I went to the National Museum for awhile. I was rooting for the paintings but then I ended up at the artifacts building. I roamed the entire museum and came across some Americans who are doing some research. I worked my way up then finally I went to the 5th floor of the building. When the elevator door opened, I wondered why it was so silent. There were no humans. It was dark. So being a crackpot and a lover of mystery novels, I stepped out of the elevator and explored the floor, alone. No kidding. I walked silently and the smell of the floor was like that from the past. Just imagine the smell of an old wood and and old photo album full of old photographs. It's like that. My heart was pounding not because of fear of the undead but fear that the smell might be bad. Then I came across this storage room full of shelves with transparent containers. It contains dead animals. It was for display downstairs I thought. That time I felt like someone's following me. It gave me goosebumps because I remembered I was alone and no one would hear me if something bad happened. So I quickened my steps while cautiously looking at my back. It was like that from the movies the only difference is that I'm not a criminal. It was like Night at the Museum. Hahaha! Then I hurriedly went to the elevator and hit the G button.

Seriously, my curiosity would kill me one of these days...

a different feel

2011-10-02T01:35:00.001+08:00

* Some people think I'm crazy because they somehow sensed that I already want to give up nursing. That is 70% true. I got a lot of comments from them like "Have you gone mad? " and some said, "Then why did you take up that course if you're not this and that...yada.yada.yada." Well. Yeah. Call me crazy but I actually abhor it right now. Sorry for the term, but really... (takes a very deep breath) Yes, I loved it before but some made me hate it. First on the list is the government who tolerates volunteering in hospitals with no bleeding pay. If in some way that there IS a pay, some actually get below the minimum wage. And the SECOND? the people who abuse it. ~~Screw them.~~

* What I really enjoy right now is TEACHING. I have this work in the afternoon and it's like I'm not working at all. My only problem is my back. Haha. That's how much I like it so believe me when I say that I really do enjoy this field. Some of the people I know actually support me on this. There was this time though, last week, that I got pissed off with one of my workmates. She really has this annoying habit of butting in to other people's business. Unless she's Google, she should stop acting as if she knows everything. I don't want to get mad at her because she has been good to me. I just don't know what has gotten into her blabbering mouth these days. Maybe she has problems of her own that's causing her to be like that so I would try to understand, for now. I am naturally nice and has this huge grip of patience. But when I get mad (which is very rare) I am horrid. ~~So horrid.~~

"So please. Please don't get into my nerves. Please don't make me hate teaching."

* I will be taking my entrance exam tomorrow in this university that I want to study in. If I pass it, I would get units in education. Like I said, I will bend over backwards when I really like something. This is my first step. If you happen to read this, kindly pray for me. Arigato! You will be blessed. ^_^

By the way. I changed my layout and background. JELLY BEANS! They are colorful and reminded me of one of my students. Oh, how childish. Sayonara!

Bacillus Calmette Guerin

2011-09-12T12:34:00.000+08:00

Giving shots to people is one of the few things that amuses me. Not that I want to hurt, I like it because I know it is for their own good.

An example of this is BCG. I gave one to a baby this morning. This vaccine given to newborns will protect them from acquiring Tuberculosis during the most vulnerable years of childhood. However, it will leave a permanent scar on the right shoulder. It may fade a bit over several years, but it is there for life. Mine's still here. I can't remember anymore the hurt when it was injected on me, but somehow I know that if it hadn't been for it, I would be so vulnerable now of that disease.

It's really fascinating how something painful could cause good to someone...

Whenever I have a problem, I always think of it as the BCG vaccine. It's very painful at first and it will leave a horrible scar, but I know it's for my own good cause it'll make me strong.

Without Words

2011-07-31T15:09:00.000+08:00

http://www.4shared.com/audio/_te8Vq3j/Park-Shin_Hye_-_without_words_.htm

Beautifully sang... ~~Heartfelt.~~

a thousand days of waiting

2011-04-10T00:59:00.000+08:00

- Can you really fall for someone you never met? Sometimes I wonder why I even bother... ~~*sigh*~~

STOP!

2011-03-11T13:13:00.000+08:00

"Hinto!"

Kahit sandali. ~~Kung pwede lang~~...

A-D-O-R-A-B-L-E

2010-10-03T19:44:00.001+08:00

"Jang Geun Seuk" - sarang hae!

Look at that fresh-looking face... Adorable, yes? :)

First saw him in the Korean drama "Hwang Ji Ni" and now in "You're Beautiful".

Very expressive face and not to mention, his voice.

My first impression: "He's kind of gay-ish."

He's not gay, is he? Ahh, who cares. That warm smile could actually melt anything.

Jang Geun Seuk and Lee Min Ho oppa. What a beauty.

Indeed...

I am head over heels. :)

* Geun Seuk oppa.

Letter to the man I will love someday...

2010-08-11T00:36:00.000+08:00

Dear You,

I will admit that sometimes I really do wonder if you exist.

There is a part of every little girl’s heart that envisions her prince charming. At age three, it is usually of a man who can save her from the wrath of an evil stepmother, wake her from eternal slumber or give her that true love’s kiss.

In elementary school, he becomes the boy with the least cooties, the one who’s willing to cross the playground to share his Oreos even if it makes him a target for the week of all the other boys.

Come high school, it’s that boy you stand with at prom, who your father stared down at the door, who provided you with an experience complete with photos you will cringe at a decade later, a corsage that yellows in the refrigerator, and a faded memory of a night that seemed almost too magical to be real.

Twenty - one years into this life, however, and still unwilling to give my heart away, I am still that same little girl who hopes for her prince charming. And although I wonder why it has taken you this long to sweep me off my feet and whisk me off to your palace on horseback, I know that it is probably because meeting you will be better than any fairytale I could’ve read as a kid.

A couple of heartbreaks and a few years wiser though, I will admit that there are times when I question your existence. Because I have yet to meet the guy who makes me hear songs like “All My Life” or “A Whole New World” in my head when I see him does not mean I don’t hope that it’ll ever happen.

I may already know you or may still meet you someday—something I leave completely up to God because I’m pretty sure our story will be epic.

However, I can’t promise you that I’d make the world’s most perfect princess. In fact I’ll probably keep you on your toes and amuse you with my eccentricities—there are a lot of them. I’ll probably steal a bunch of your T-shirts and turn them into shirt dresses, or drive you slightly mad with my obsessive compulsivity and my need to fix your collar constantly.

I can promise to be your best friend however—that person you can rant to after a rough day, the hand you can hold when you get sad, or the person you can text when situations get awkward.

I’ll probably mess up your hair sometimes and hug you for too long, but that’ll only be because I absolutely adore you. I’ll bury my head in your shoulder during scary movies and make you feel like superman when you kill those flying cockroaches that really shouldn’t exist. I’ll cook your favorite food on your birthday and try my best to make friends with your mom.

I’ll respect your nights-out with the boys and make you seem like the perfect guy to my barkada. I’ll watch basketball or soccer games with you, and not complain when you cheer too loudly at the TV set.

I’ll know the difference between giving you space and being constantly there for you—even if it means sitting and playing video games with you or taking hot chocolate runs when it rains.

I’ll listen to your music and we’ll go on epic adventures together—seeing the world, taking awesome pictures, eating awesome food, and never running out of things to tell each other along the way.

I won’t be waiting for you to sweep me off my feet and take me on a magic carpet ride, because I know I won’t need anything like that to fall for you—I will love you for you.

You will be that someone to make goofy faces with in pictures, to lace fingers with when I’m lonely, and to take long walks under the stars with on the beach.

You’ll be the guy who takes me the way I am—and will laugh as I burst into Disney song or pick out purple wallpaper.

You’ll be that someone I envision a future with—us filling out visa forms as we travel the universe, picking out our first dog together and arguing about what to name it, or being snap-happy stage parents in our preschooler’s annual mini-plays. And I keep hoping that maybe someday when we find each other, you will become that someone whose smile I wake up to in the morning and the last one I speak to every night.

So to the man I know does exist, and who will help me maybe make sense of the world someday, this man I can’t wait to love. Please know that I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with you. But for now, I wait. Fingers crossed and palms held together, I hope that you’re out there somewhere, waiting for me, too.

With the hope I will be yours for always,

Me

**I got this letter from this site: http://lifestyle.inquirer.net/relationships/relationships/view/20100808-285501/My-daughters-letter-to-the-man-she-will-love-someday

**I felt like re-posting it 'cause... I've been wondering about this person for so long. What he looks like. What he loves doing. What's been going on inside his head. Have we met already or not? Maybe yes, maybe no. Does he have a girlfriend? Or maybe too busy at work that he already forgot that I exist? Or maybe.... Just maybe... He's waiting for me, too.

**Whenever I hear those 'love' stories of people around me, I can't help but wonder when ours will happen. Maybe God is still preparing the two of us. Just trust, His timing is always right.

** Whoever and wherever you are, I want you to know that you have always been loved and thought of... Ever since when I was a child. As for now, while waiting for God's time for our story, I just want to be this girl that you can be proud of someday.

P.S. I ♥ U.

Stress Debriefing

2010-07-12T03:05:00.000+08:00

What is Critical Incident Stress Management?

- is an adaptive short term helping process that focuses solely on an immediate and identifiable problem to enable the individual(s) affected to return to their daily routine(s) more quickly and with a lessened likelihood of experiencing post-traumatic stress disorder.

So that's why I've been having recurrent dreams inside the hospital with my...mom.

If you would ask me the question, "What's the bravest thing you did this week?" I would say, "Yesterday morning, I cried my heart out in front of 25 nurses."

It's kind of weird actually because I'm not the expressive type of person. I usually don't share my feelings that much. I always tend to hold back or lessen the bite of an emotion as much as possible. But yesterday was different. During our Disaster Nursing training, I didn't expect that there would be a 'stress debriefing' portion wherein all of us would have to share the greatest grief and stress that we experienced in the past and is currently experiencing in the present. I was in this room with people that I only met a few months back, some a few weeks and the others, days. I have no idea why but the harder I try not to cry, the easier it is for my tears to keep on coming out. I guess those were repressed emotions desperately trying to float on the surface because they can no longer be contained 'cause the container is already full.

From what i remember, the last time i cried to someone was when my mother died. That would be in front of my family and on the phone while talking to some of my friends. After that fateful day, November 11, 2009, never did I shared nor showed to anyone what I TRULY felt. I don't know, I didn't even cry when we were in the cemetery to bury the ashes. Some won't talk about it while i'm around, some would avoid the touchy little subject while some would give advices. What i need was a listening ear not a blabbering mouth and an insensitive heart. And yes, yesterday morning I finally got the chance to let it all go.

If you would ask me the question, "What's the bravest thing you did this week?" I would say, "Yesterday morning, I cried my heart out in front of 25 nurses."

I love my Red Cross family. ♥

dreams

2010-04-06T17:56:00.002+08:00

I still have recurring dreams but i won't say it's a nightmare because my mom is in it. It always goes like this: I would hug her when I arrive and the setting is always in our old house in Cabanatuan or in the hospital. We'd talk like we've always been and then right before I hug her again, everything would start to fade. Next thing I know, I'm awake. Hello real world. Goodbye dreamland. My heart flutters every time I wake up because it all seemed so real, so tangible, so right there. Sometimes I know that I'm dreaming and when I do, I would control the flow of the dream but then, every time I do that, I always end up waking sooner than expected. So I learned not to control, to just let it flow and do it's own real thing because the only place I get to see my mom again is in my dreamworld which is of course, the product of my subconscious.

During these instances, I'd like to think that dreams are better than reality, but as J.K. Rowling had put it: "...it does not do to dwell on dreams and forget how to live."

"Remember that, Juddith."

the thin line between addiction and obsession

2010-04-04T20:20:00.005+08:00

**I just bought a pirated DVD version of House M.D. Season 6 because commercials can be so annoying sometimes plus! - i can't watch it on a daily basis. I got pissed (bitin kasi) by the ending of season 5 as I watched this genius and annoyingly superb doctor walk towards a psychiatric institution to reluctantly submit himself for rehabilitation due to his hallucinations as a result of his addiction to Vicodin.. From what i remember, it left me open-mouthed. And now he's back, not as a doctor but as a patient. Imagine the horror of having a patient like him in the ward - a sarcastic genius doctor. He briefly made the lives of the doctors and nurses miserable by manipulating the other patients (because he already know their diagnoses just by looking at them) to get what he want, his medical license and his freedom. I'm already done watching in one day, i was in a state of euphoria until my brother broke in and said that the House season 6 that i just bought is not complete. It took me a second to realize that. That little pudgy woman vendor!! She tricked me... Must've noticed my sudden elated feeling when i saw that dvd. Oh well, it's pirated. And speaking of pirated... This pirate is just so...

**The eccentric and adorable Johnny Depp. Now, why in the world do i find him so adorable? He's like going to 50 or something, happily married, got kids and all that. Define hot/witty/peculiar/funny/sexy/dirty pirate. I say it's Johnny Depp, the multitalented man. I found out that he is a writer/director/musician/composer. And his most adorable "talent" is his character in real life, his love for his girl Vanessa Paradis, and being a father for his two kids.

It's impressing how he can bring life and individuality to the characters he portray. No one can represent as many characters as he has and no one is as daring in his choice of movie roles. Imagine Brad Pitt or Keanu Reeves as the Madhatter, Edward Scissorhands, Captain Jack Sparrow, etc. With all those quirky moves and crazy statures, i think they would loose a bit of their much-ness. But of course that's rubbish and i'm being judgmental, after all you'll never know what a person can do (same as i also can't imagine Johnny Depp playing the role of Mr. Smith and Neo) ha-ha. But still, i like him.

"Oooooh, what a fangirl. Tsk, tsk ,tsk."

P.S. According to my source (which is apparently the internet) The Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides will hit the theaters in May 2011 and they will shoot the film in Hawaii this coming June. *jumping up and down, crazed* Whhhhhhhhhyyyyyyyy??????!!!!!!!????? Why not 2010... *sniff* *sniff* Oh and he's in Venice, Italy right now shooting a movie (thriller) "The Tourist" with co-star Angelina Jolie. So that's it. Well? patience is a virtue. :)

Nakakapagpabagabag

2010-03-26T14:03:00.000+08:00

Hindi ko akalain na ako’y mabibihag mo.

(kung alam mo lang…)

Lahat na ginawa ko para umiwas sa’yo.

Hindi ko naman ‘to ginusto.

At bakit ko naman ‘to gugustuhin?

Kung sa umpisa pa lang

Alam ko na kung ano mangyayari sa’kin.

Nakakainis.

~~Nakakapagpabagabag.~~

At ngayong gabi na

Hindi na naman ako makatulog

(Ng dahil sa’yo…)

Bakit naman kasi ikaw pa?

Bakit ako pa?

Nahihirapan ako huminga

Kapag nanjan ka.

Hangin…

Kailangan ko ng hangin.

Ano bang ginawa mo sa’kin?

Sobra.

Ayoko na.

Ayoko naman talaga sa’yo.

Sipon…

~~Sigurado kasunod mo na si ubo…~~

** That's one percent inspiration and the remaining ninety-nine percent were spent on thinking on whether i should publish this here in my blog or not. And since nobody's reading this anyway and I'm the authority here, i can very well do what i want. Hahaha!! Now, i wonder if my family would disinherit me if they read this? (If there is anything to inherit.) Ooooohhh, good thing they don't have any blogger and i ain't got any followers. That's the beauty of it. Oh how i lurve ze freedom of expression. *evil laugh*

** This reminded me of the other dorky poem i wrote that i published in my Multiply account together with the other none-dorky ones. I deprived this blog (with it's birthright as being my first) for so long that i'm figuring if there is any way i could make up to it by importing posts from Multiply to Blogger. I'm working on it or I'll just repost every now and then.

** Can't wait for the blood letting/volunteer's day tomorrow at RC. Oh yeah, it's bleeding time baby. Rar!

Of writing and laziness

2010-03-22T15:44:00.000+08:00

After 2 years of not trying, what else should i expect in 2 nights? Just picture a woman with a pen and a heart down. That's me. I think my brain needs some oil... Geez!

the last one

2010-03-19T15:26:00.000+08:00

Raindrops

For once it thought 'twas invincible

To mimic coldness

In the heart of the summer sun.

But then 'twas such a folly after all

To be delighted by such an extravagant hope.

A hope that is way too impossible

To nestle in the true mind.

Thus, it began to be filled

With excruciating sadness.

A sadness that radiated

Through it's very existence.

It was enough to break the rock

Behind the willow.

And so it prepared itself to leave,

As silent as the sun

Setting from it's glorious sky

And a lone petal

Falling softly on the grass.

No one noticed.

by: Udith-ski (4-20-08)

* This is the last poem I wrote and since then, i never wrote again. I didn't even publish it until today and it's only because I have all the time now to rant. A month from now it's gonna be exactly 2 years. For whatever reason, i felt the urge to write again. And i thank God for that one reason. :)

"I can now remember how near to euphoria this blogging is..."

what's wrong with being observant?

2010-03-18T15:04:00.001+08:00

Trying to conceal laughter is one of the many things i am not good at. Especially when out in the public, alone. It's like a beautiful kind of torture vexing you to simultaneously want to shut up and laugh with much gusto. And it's all because the muscles in your face doesn't want to cooperate with what your brain is saying. Like what happened to me yesterday.

One cloudy and windy late afternoon after my volunteer work at Philippine Red Cross, I was patiently waiting for a jeepney at the outset of Daang Hari wherein the public utility vehicles only pass for every 10-15 minutes or so. The time was 5:30PM, the usual hour when people are out on the streets after a long day’s work elsewhere. The waiting area was already crowded when I arrived so I contentedly settled myself at the back row, which is a good spot because I was on the mood of observing people again. If I weren’t a resident of Muntinlupa, I would wonder why those people would stand there like bowling pins because the waiting area doesn’t even look like a waiting area at all. I noticed that they were all neatly aligned horizontally as if they were about to go to a battle and they eyed every motorist, every individual, every living creature that would pass by. “Hmm, probably the product of boredom like what I’m doing right now.” I thought. If there’s a psychopath nearby, I swear it would be very easy for him to ~~kill~~ them especially if he has a gun or something, but whatever. Minutes passed by, still no sign of any jeepney or a van. The scene was getting a little dull already when suddenly a shiny-black Ford (Everest model) stopped in front of us. Just imagine. What would you expect to happen in this side of the world? Of course. The waiting-would-be-jeep/van-passengers all stared at the car (like zombies) which maybe because: Number 1 –we’re in the Philippines. Number 2 – it’s a very Pinoy-ish thing to do. Number 3 – they were curious and wanted to know if it’s a celebrity or a politician. Number 4 – they like the car and lastly, number 5 – they are bored. The scene looked hilarious because they were all staring and serious-looking when the Ford passenger got out of the car. I so wanted to laugh because the person who got out of the car stared back at them as if saying “What?? Did I just receive a death sentence?” And then he immediately crossed the street shaking his head. By that time, I was already having a hard time suppressing my laughter. My shoulders were shaking as I tried to hide my smile under my handkerchief. I then caught sight of an old man standing at my farthest left side and he has the most bewildered looking eyes ever. And he was looking at me. I then stared up to the sky hoping that somehow I could find something out there that might just grab my attention away from that stupid scene that I just found peculiarly funny. I was trying so hard not to smile as I sheepishly diverted my moronic thoughts to the birds. Oh great... Birds. And I was like, “what on earth am I doing??”. I then grabbed my cellphone acting as if somebody had texted. A second later I was already frantically jamming the digits on my poor phone as if by doing that I could shake off the afterimage I had of that scene and that man’s bewildered looking eyes. And then, for a moment I got curious. What the heck was he looking at?? So from the corner of my eyes, I took a glimpse of the old man and it shocked me quite a bit when I saw that he was still ~~looking~~... No. He was glaring at me. My facial muscles for smiling started to twitch. I began to think of floods, famine, tear-jerker movies and all sorts of stuff. And oh, for the love of all that is holy, the next thing I knew, they were all rushing towards the jeepney and there I was standing like a retard who just missed the biggest time of her life.I didn’t make it.

When I got home, I realized how hard it is to suppress laughter when you’re alone and how weird I looked like through the eyes of that old man. Oh gosh, I must’ve scared him. I buried my face on my pillows and started laughing. I-don’t-effin’-care! ♥

It's been a while

2010-03-04T17:42:00.001+08:00

“When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations,

It’s not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.”

-Stephenie Meyer (Twilight)

Howdy. It’s been a while since I last updated this blog. So before anything else, let me just dust this place first.

*dusting* *cough! cough!*

*dusting even more* *cough!*

*removing the cobwebs* *wiping*

*...almost done*

*disinfecting*

There, good as new...

So, the last entry here was dated February 17, 2010. The truth is, if it hadn’t been for my friend, I would go through life semi-oblivious of the fact that once upon a time I have a blog. When I created this web-log into existence, I was then a college student and I remember describing myself as “a wannabe writer and a soon-to-be-nurse”. Well guess what, I’m still a “wannabe” writer thank you very much. Some things never change, huh? But hey, the good news is I managed to put two initials at the end of my name and that is – R.N. So good.

The Mountain

“We make our own plans, but the Lord decides where we will go.”

-Proverbs 16:9

2009 has been one heck of a climb for me. A year full of ups and downs, I almost thought it was insurmountable. The ups happened early last year: I graduated from college, I passed the nursing board exam (which was a natural high to the nth power), I took my oath – I was exuberant. Everything was happening exactly as what I have planned. Then, the heartbreaks happened. A gradual, painful flop which made me hit rock bottom. It felt like all doors have closed, one by one my lights of hope were slowly being put off, and little by little my heart felt like it got thrown inside a blender – completely crushed, leaving me with nothing to hold on to because even the strength of holding on to anything or anyone seems ineffectual already, useless, worthless, whatever you may call it. Faith, hope, love and life I learned, must be highly overrated.

Left Behind

“How many ways can one heart be mangled and still be expected to keep beating?”

-Stephenie Meyer (New Moon)

I don’t know when I’ve come to realize this but no matter how cautious you are so as to prevent pain or heartache, sooner or later and in one way or another, it will come. As long as you’re human and you know how to love, you will not be spared.

When my mom left, life allowed me to experience an alien kind of pain, a loss. “So this must be grief,” I thought “the one I read from the books a dozen times over. Damnit, I’m a nurse. What can I do...for myself?” How ironic can life get? It felt so different, because before I was looking at it in a different perspective. I never thought it would be such a torment when you are on the other side of the boat. Now I know. That day, it was my first time to sign a death certificate. Not as a nurse who lost a patient but as a grieving daughter who lost her mother. ~~My greatest heartbreak.~~

Moving On

“Scar tissue is stronger than regular tissue. Realize the strength, move on.”
- Henry Rollins

The word ‘soul-searching’ is often in sync with ‘moving on’ because during this time, you have this very universal feeling of wanting to find yourself. As for me, living in a different unfamiliar place is very effective. Not that I want to completely forget or run away from the memories I have in the immediate past but more of like exploring new horizons, to be level-headed enough and to understand that living in this freakin’ world is not that bad after all. Another good thing is, during the process, you’d find out that despite all the crap, you could somehow survive and do things you never thought you could. Result is, a better you. Though I can’t say that I’ve totally moved on because losing a mother is not that easy especially if you consider her as your best friend. Aside from that, she’s been with me since my day 1 in this floating world so the remaining days without her is, distinct. But still, I’m getting there. Yada yada yada.

Sometimes, no matter how abnormal you may feel towards whatever, you’d also have to shift your viewpoint to something that people think as normal so as to satisfy their concerns about you not because you want to please them but because you want to have this very humane feeling called peace... ~~So I’m fine.~~ No questions. No long talks. End of story.

Nudges

2010-02-17T10:13:00.002+08:00

I just received a text message from a friend. I can't help but smile because of the fact that she actually bought the DVD i recommended her. Title's Fireproof. She said she was blessed. Good thing hindi natuloy ang 'panghuhuli' niya last Feb.12. She really wanted to go to her husband's office and witness the unexpected, or should i say the expected? But whatever. Luckily, we're on our 12-hour shift that day and that's what prevented her. It made me thankful though, because I'm the one wrote our names on that Feb.12 (near Valentine's) schedule for the completion of our IVT cases. I really had no idea about her and her husband's marital issues that time, it just so happened that some kind of a 'nudge' made me write our names on that date. Some kind of a nudge, huh? She said it's a "hopeless scenario". But from what i know, nothing is impossible to God if you just believe. So I'll just pray.

* Oh wait, did i just blog here?? Cause it seems like eternity since my last post. I can't believe ~~i'm writing~~ ~~again~~. A good sign that I'm moving on, i guess. Oh well, I'll be posting some shenanigans one of these days then. Ta-ta for now. (Heck, this blog needs some cleaning.)

PurplePatch where's your spirit??

2007-08-04T14:56:00.000+08:00

hayy...wala na ang blog na ito. hehehe, akala ko habang nagppost ako sa journal ko sa multiply, nagccrosspost na din dito...hayy...

mali!!!!

...anyway, mukha yatang mas mapapadalas na ko sa multiply ngayon, hehehe...

wawa naman blogger account koh, first blog pa naman na binigyan ng effort... hehe

i hate rainy days.

2007-06-04T15:53:00.002+08:00

it makes me feel so blue...

Midnight Solitude

2007-05-21T11:25:00.000+08:00

Mr. Sandman is not dead

But how come long dreary nights

Kept crawling under her bed?

Random thoughts. Vague mem'ries.

Weakened soul. Trembling knees.

Through the stillness of the night

She waited for the spell,

Then the lady whispered a pray'r:

"Highest praises! Your merciful graces!

Cast away these fears and isolated tears..."

Then the midnight breeze started to sing

A sweet lullaby for this weary being.

That same night...The nymphs were dancing.

Transient visions. Familiar relations.

It was a beautiful transition -

From the bitter reality to her sweetest imagination.

Oh! Enchanted Pillow of endless dreams,

You had made your presence felt.

She's now venturing the seas of the unknown

No longer aware of her true apathetic self.

by: Udith-ski 5/14/07

** After 6 long months of frustrations and laughters...Hehe. This is my first poem this year and the sixth one on my small list of, uh, masterpieces?? hahak! Whatever!

You know you're tensed when...

2007-05-16T17:42:00.000+08:00

You're shaking. Haha...!!!

I'm as tense as a taut today. I've just got my first exposure in the hospital - as a student nurse. I was assigned at the Surgical Ward of ELJ. Actually today was my first time to have a real patient! Ohww...!!! Talk about first times! I really tried to maintain my cool especially when i accidentaly dropped the thermometer as i was putting it over the bed (bummer!!!). Eh di syempre kumalat-kalat na yung mercury sa floor, so tinawag ko yung naglilinis. By the way, my patient's name was Sesinando Bautista. "Naku! Juddith, masungit daw yan..." said one of my classmates. He's right -- masungit nga ang lolo moh!! Huhu... But anyway, talaga namang ganun...it is man's nature to be like that especially when one is really sick. Oh well... I took his vital signs then charted it... Kuh! Uber taas nung temp...sabi sakin Mam Cauyao tell ko daw dun sa mga nurses sa desk to give him TSB. At 12:00 noon, we were dismissed.

Haayyy...

Can't wait for tomorrow...

Smile! It makes a BIG difference!

2007-03-05T09:38:00.000+08:00

Some said that i've been looking a little sad lately...

Hmm...

yeah, i guess they're right...

I really did feel gloomy these following days. I can feel it. I don't know why.

So right now, i'll do my best not to look like a poker face anymore. After all, my smile is me. I can never fake it. If ever i faked it before, it surely looked awful. Because it's not me. Anyway, whatever the reason behind that, maybe it's because of the stresfull works in school. That's all. I'm burned up. But it's very comforting to know that some people actually care to ask why. Indeed, it's a sure fire way to keep you back on your old self again. Like a head-banging "hello-are-you-okay" thing. And it was like *poof* i'm back! Haha

*From now on, everything is just a smile away. That's it. I'm back to me again.

Purple all the way!

2007-03-01T17:18:00.000+08:00

Your Blog Should Be Purple

You're an expressive, offbeat blogger who tends to write about anything and everything.You tend to set blogging trends, and you're the most likely to write your own meme or survey.You are a bit distant though. Your blog is all about you - not what anyone else has to say.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorshouldyourblogorjournalbequiz/">What Color Should Your Blog or Journal Be?

You Are Grape

You are bold and a true individual. You are very different and very okay with that.People know you as a straight shooter. You're very honest, even when the truth hurts.You are also very grounded and practical. No one is going to sneak anything by you.People enjoy your fresh approach to life. And it's this honesty that makes you a very innovative person.

What'>http://www.blogthings.com/whatcolorpurpleareyouquiz/">What Color Purple Are You?

*Hayy. Even tests show that i'm really a purple-lover. Hindi maikakaila... Nyahaha!

*eto pah

The True You

You want your girlfriend or boyfriend to be together with you always, no matter when or where.
With respect to money, you spend as little as possible.
You think good luck depends on maintaining good relationships with others.
The hidden side of your personality tends to be satisfied to care for things with a minimal amount of effort.
You are tend to think about others' feelings a lot, perhaps because you are so eager to be liked.
When it comes to finding a romantic partner, you base your search on information from your friends.

Who's" The True You?

Your Japanese Name Is...

Kaede Genji

What's" your Japanese Name?

The Potter and the Clay

2007-02-23T13:25:00.000+08:00

Precious and unique are the works of Your hands.

A masterpiece carefully shaped.

You make all things beautiful in Your own way.

And because of that, i can never complain.

Through Your delicate hands i was molded.

A fragile creature oh so handled with care.

Though it seemed hard at the moment

I know You only want me to be fair.

I am unworthy yet You pour out to me

The cup of love and mercy that never fails.

I give to You my utmost thanks

For it is You who gives me strength.

by: Udith-ski 11/07/06

I Can See

2007-01-30T17:06:00.000+08:00

Your foolishness is, by nature, permanent.

The strongest fear and pride, i can see.

Slowly creeping up at you.

Devouring every bit of you.

Your talk is a scent like that of a flower.

All is well.

But the raging flow of the river, i can see.

Screaming and pleading to be free.

You have taken me with you far, far away.

And now, here i am.

You make me dwell in a dark corner,

And make me forever just a shadow.

Alone to be lost in oblivion.

Have you been the barrier i didn't see?

Never moving, always blocking.

Dark, as in a pit, that's where you want me.

Always hidden, never seen.

I saw you hid my wings under the tree,

Thrown my voice unto the deep.

There, it can be heard by no one

Except me...

by: Udith-ski 11/03/06

New year...new life?

2007-01-08T11:46:00.002+08:00

I'm not planning to do my list of new year's resolutions... gasgas na yan! I tried it before but nothing happened, hehe. 'di naman natupad "lahat". By the way, i made a list of my 100 dreams last year and hopefully, ma-publish ko na soon. Yea! You read it right... my 100 dreams! Why!? too many for you? Hehe, dami nga nun'! But i was challenged when i read Mr. Bo's book (Bo Sanchez). It's very inspiring! So i did.

To You

2007-01-08T11:36:00.000+08:00

Mighty as you are, and You will always be
Your soveriegnty is beyond my understanding.
YOu know very well i cannot despise thee.
For you are the sun that brings hope,
and the One who rescued me.

Why did i do such a thing?
Giving no glory to the King.
Why can't i just thank you?
A very simple thing a servant could do.

In the depths of despair and rejection,
I now willingly surrender my all to You.
The God who sets pain's limits
Will carry me through and through.

Because i know...
Whenever i am lost and weary,
It is You, oh Father,
Who know my way.

by: Udith-ski 10/18/06

test, quiz, test!!!

2006-11-17T11:39:00.000+08:00

You Are an Espresso

At your best, you are: straight shooting, ambitious, and energetic
At your worst, you are: anxious and high strung
You drink coffee when: anytime you're not sleeping
Your caffeine addiction level: high

What Kind of Coffee Are You?

Your Depression Level: 48%

You seem to have mild depression.A lot of people fall into your range, and it's quite possible you don't need treatment.If you've been feeling this way for a while, you may want to seek help.

Are You Depressed?

You Are a Blue Flower

A blue flower tends to represent peace, openness, and balance.At times, you are very delicate like a cornflower.And at other times, you are wise like an iris.And more than you wish, you're a little cold, like a blue hydrangea.

What Color Flower Are You?

Your Inner Blood Type is Type B

You follow your own rules in life, even if you change the rules every day.Sure, you tend to be off the wall and unpredictable, but that's what makes you lovable.And even though you're a wild child, you have the tools to be a great success.You are able to concentrate intently - and make the impossible possible.
You are most compatible with: B and AB
Famous Type B's: Leonardo Di Caprio and

What's" Your Inner Blood Type?

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion.Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu..Your convictions are strong and unwavering.You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

What's" Your Religious Philosophy?

Quite a long time...

2006-10-31T17:03:00.000+08:00

It's been a long time since i last updated this blog. The month is about to end and the semestral break is almost over. Yet, my two week vacation seemed to me a two-week nightmare. My brain is completely flooded with thoughts that i can't get rid of. The nights are now longer than days, and i've been kinda nocturnal lately. When i face the mirror in the morning, i can still see the old me, but somehow. in the inside, it's different. I can feel it. Maybe because it is the result of everyday torture, the result of my restless thoughts at night till morn. Yet, i still consider myself blessed despite of the current circumstances i am now facing. I believe that not all people at my age had experienced what i am experiencing right now and i just wanna thank God for letting me taste the real flavor of life. I don't feel bitter about it. I got closer to Him, and i'm glad to know that He will always be a constant in my life. No one can ever take that away from me. It is during these periods of emptiness you'd realize that God is all you have, and all you need... to survive. This is my October.

The Other Side

2006-10-13T15:57:00.000+08:00

That unmasking i did made me see things

For what they really were.

But am i using the real one here?

Or is it another one that i have to tear?

I know that it really makes me jaded

Just by letting it all hide

Behind this blur.

Still, i don't care.

But sometimes,

Some things just keep on showing,

And that means...

Putting on more patches.

So what's the point?

It doesn't make sense,

Really.

I don't know...

So i guess this is...

And i admit,

...the cruel side of my existence.

by: Udith-ski 09/15/06

Bakit?

2006-10-12T15:31:00.000+08:00

Bakit tinawag na corned beef ang corned beef kung wala naman itong corn?

Bakit malamig sa bundok? Eh di ba mas malapit sya sa araw?

Bakit toothbrush ang tawag sa toothbrush gayong ang plural ng tooth ay teeth? Eh hindi lang naman iisang ngipin ang iba-brush mo diba?

...hayy...marami talagang mga bagay sa mundo na kailangan mong hanapan ng sagot...

mahaba-habang reviewhan

2006-10-09T10:43:00.000+08:00

The usual "cramming month" is here... October! Hayy... finale nah, my goodness! San ko ilulugar ang aking utak sa dami ng nakatambak na reviewhin? Ngayon ko na nga lang na-update uli ang blag na ito, muntik nang mawala sa kamunduhan. Hay, kay ganda lang ng aking first post for the month of October. Frustrations. Whatever.
By the way, the upcoming "Youth Celebration" in Aurora Blvd is getting nearer and nearer and nearer... Hopefully, makasama. But i just can't understand kung bakit ang daming kontra along the way? Hehe, na-settle ko na yung problem about my skeds last month, so okey na. But unfortunately, binagyo ang Pilipinas! Wah! kaya wala rin... Natambakan ulit. Examination week. Return demo. Whatever! Of course, gagawan parin ng paraan para lang makasama, hopefully.

Wala lang - (part II)

2006-09-26T10:47:00.000+08:00

**mahilig akong mag-cram. Well, syempre hindi dahil sa gusto ko kundi likas na talaga sa aking dugo ang ganitong paguugali, hehe. Pero i'm trying to change it.

**madalas kong kinakausap ang sarili ko kapag mag-isa, at kahit hindi mag-isa, haha. As in kinakausap talaga. Kaya kung hindi ko narinig ang iyong sinabi, ibig sabihin nakikipag usap ako sa aking self. Hindi ako baliw, i'm still sane naman kahit madaming ginagawa.

**i'm a very serene person. (kasasabi ko lang, madalas ko nga kinakausap sarili ko.)

**mabagal akong gumayak. Sobra. Wala akong masabe. Pero mabilis naman ako tumakbo, yun lang! Bakit kaya?

**naging habit ko na ata na dagdagan o ibahin ang name ng aking mga kakilala sa buhay. Hindi naman lahat, yun mga ka-closenez lang. Hehe. Once na nakasanayan, maliit na lang ang possibility na maalis sa bokabularyo. (e.g. Gabby- chan, Risa-chang, Mariel-ski, Shinea, Dianne-ski... ek-ek)

Wala lang...

2006-09-22T16:57:00.000+08:00

*i was a Catholic before but now, i'm a CHRISTIAN.

*favorite color ko dati ang RED tapos naging GREEN and then naging PURPLE. But most of my clothes are PINK and BLACK... haha.

*i like eating fishballs, especially pag may mga friends na kasama.

*hmm, can't survive the week without going to church... its already a part of my lifestyle.

*i'm left-handed pag nagsusulat. Pero pag kumakain at nagpa-plantsa, kanan. Pero mas dominant pa rin ang left. Nyahaha...
" ......Ambidexterity is the ability to use both your hands with equal ease or facility." ok ba?

*i'm a certified Agatha Christie fan. Got my collections here...hehe.

why i blog...

2006-09-05T10:00:00.000+08:00

whoa! my very first entry... well, before anything else, i want you to know the main reason why i blog. First, too many people are so into this blog thing, and so, i thought i wanna try it, hehe. Second, i want to make an online journal na rin, and i want to make it my own. i really don't mind if anyone would read my future entries or not as long as this blog will maintain it's uniqueness?! so everthing's fine in the universe ahkei?! hehe. And lastly, i believe that blogging my random thoughts would make my mind a little clear of all the clutter in it (if you know what i mean.) hehe. it would serve as an outlet of my emotions. so i guess that's it for now. i'll do my best to keep my posts constant. till then!